Mike is Safe now.

Harry and I had PREDATORS to deal with.  They have now an idea of our sincerity in taking any means to stop their theft and placing Mike in danger.  I am pulling up the article I wrote when I had to deal with the predators in my very sick sister's life.


“I was his caregiver. Who will take care of me?” asked my younger sister. She had just received a diagnosis of Multiple Myeloma. After years of caring for her Alzheimer's plagued husband, she faced a serious health crisis of her own. As I listened to her voice on that long distance call, I volunteered to be her caregiver. Sisters help each other.

Caregiving calls on you to dig deep within yourself and give all you’ve got without expectation of return. However, caregiving need not be so altruistic that your life and career are sacrificed. Remember the admonitions of all those flight attendants to secure your own oxygen mask before helping anyone else?

As an executive recruiter, I was able to generate steady work and income while with my sister. Though I felt as though I had an angel on my shoulder, thoughtful planning was involved. Finding stretches of quiet time to concentrate on business was THE problem while care-giving. Here are some strategies that worked both for my sister and for my career:

GET THE WORD OUT
The biggest time chewer is keeping people informed. From the outset, I got my sister’s permission to discuss her condition and life on a blog. I would caution anyone doing this, besides being careful and kind, to have liability insurance current and a competent lawyer at the ready. Good gestures on one person’s part can inadvertently bring out vituperative reactions in others. That said, the blog saved hours of repetitive phone calls and emails. When creating a blog, add lots of photos from various periods during the patient’s life. This keeps the person’s life, not the disease, front and center. People begin to follow it like a TV series. When difficult times are described, offers of help often come from readers.

MEDICAL POWER OF ATTORNEY
Never accept a caregiving responsibility without first having power of attorney. It prevents legal hassles with well-meaning relatives. Having joint financial power of attorney with a trusted advisor or relative makes daily needs less complicated and keeps the wheels of everyday life greased. Financial boundaries stay intact. Ask that advisor to help deal with insurance companies.

DEFENSIVE MOVES Lose no time dealing with unscrupulous contractors, wacky neighbors or other abusive people. Familiarize yourself with the Better Business Bureau, small claims court and adult protective services agency in the patient’s community. There are people who, sniffing weakness, will commit elder abuse. Use professionals to disarm and defeat them while sticking to your business.

A ROOM OF YOUR OWN
Set up both a workspace and a living space for yourself in the patient’s home. Furnish that space with personal things that make you comfortable. Use your cell phone. Do not answer the patient’s phone. If the patient needs sleep, jointly decide when and for how long to take the home phone off the hook.

MAINTAIN FINANCIAL BOUNDARIES 
Pay your personal and business expenses yourself, no matter what the patient offers.

HONESTY WORKS
I let my business clients know that I would be working from Kansas City while I was helping my sister through bone marrow transplants. If they wanted to take their business elsewhere, they had a right to make an informed decision. I altered the way I worked by restricting travel and handling only one search at a time. By finishing one project before starting another, I was able to turn business at a faster pace.

HUMAN LIMITATIONS
Very often, there is more than one sick person in a household, which suggests that it may be time for one of them to enter an assisted living situation. This can be a difficult circumstance, but when necessary it has to be addressed. Try to limit your caregiving to one person. You have a limited amount of energy.

PLAN 
Try to schedule doctor visits, support groups and other appointments in the afternoons. Keep mornings (when many ill people sleep late) free for your business.

HIRE HOUSEHOLD AIDES
Do not feel compelled to take on everything. You are there to give physical and moral support, not to answer every household need. Agree with family members at the very start that expenses related to household help will be covered by insurance, savings, or relatives.

CONTINUE TO MARKET YOURSELF
Get on a social networking site for business people. Business is happening on these sites.

MAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF Serve and partake of nutritious meals. Exercise, meditate, read daily devotions and get at least seven hours of sleep each night. If you find yourself in a new city, as I did, seek out like-minded business and social contacts. In the beginning, my only face-to-face social group was my twelve-step meeting. Ask willing relatives to treat you to an occasional massage or pedicure. Maintain your own health by getting annual tests and shots. Hire a psychiatric social worker for support and to vent your feelings. Have weekly phone calls with your business coach and daily phone calls with a close associate. Set business goals, but revise them as needed. Plan short getaways to overnight conventions, conferences and workshops. Remind yourself of the Bigger Life you lead.

KEEP A JOURNAL
Maintaining a journal is often as effective as psychiatric treatment, and cheaper.

EYE ON THE PRIZE
Have goals and develop an exit strategy. Put support people and organizations in place. Look forward to resuming your life.

Remember that caregiving is a choice that offers many gifts and freedoms. With an attitude of gratitude, you can become richer in spirit because of the experience. Clarity develops as you begin to see life infused with happiness, reason, reverence and hope.